How Not To Get Drunk

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The Firedouser:

1 shot hard liquor (tequila preferred)
1 pint (8 parts) ice water

Slam shot. Sip water until gone. Repeat.

Hypo: To achieve moderate inebriation economically, shots are best. Since simply slamming shots will result in hospitalization, there must be an appropriate chaser. Water will serve not only to greatly reduce potential drunkenness but also to greatly improve hangover (dilution, hydration, urination) to as low as level 2. By both getting high alcohol content and high time consumption, the amount of drinks (and cost) will be lower, though inebriation level may remain happily between 2 and 5 over the course of an entire night.
Reasons:
  • Financial: Not enough money to slam back beers. Liquor most economical way to achieve inebriation; water best way to temper drunkenness. Also, booze nasty so makes one hesitant to drink too much too fast.
  • Health: Caloric intake. Pure liquor and water has very little caloric value. Beer and wine both quite high; cocktails with soda equally high. Possibly Atkins friendly.Rules: No prohibitive periods. All reasonable days and times available for consumption. Every 2 ounces requires one full pint of water before continuing. No substitutions (i.e. 2 beers = 1 shot plus 1 pint).

Concerns: On an already tight social budget, can this be effective? Water may simply dilute alcohol to point that money is literally flushed down the toilet. Also, can I drink water without constant snickering? Do the dives I hang out at even have water?


Practice: Order single shot with pint of water as back. Drink shot at leisure (though slamming is recommended for maximum impact). Let shot settle. Kill time in between drinks with water. Drink entire pint of water before having another drink. Try not to urinate until absolutely necessary for maximum absorbtion.

Duration: 5/12 (drinking/total)

Week 1 Results:

  • Friday: Successful. Bartender initially skeptical by order but got with the program eventually. Friends had usual reaction [“you are a freak”] Total of 5 shots in about 4 hours (one buy back). Initially drunk perhaps as high as 5 but wore off quickly. Average Drunk to Level 3. Hangover at 2. $23 spent.
  • Saturday: Successful. Night also began well, though double shots more economical. 6 doubles (two buybacks). Harder to keep up with water. For Doubles, tried halfshot-water-halfshot-water. Also tried fullshot-water-water. Bartender not happy with all the water pouring. High amount of urination (at least 2x an hour). Got tired and bored, left earlier than normal. Neither awakening effect of booze nor drowsy effect apparent. Drunk as high as level 5, average lower. Hangover to level 4. $30 spent. Feel a bit cheated for amount spent-to-result. Social concerns with method getting worse.
  • Wednesday: Stayed home hung out, played video games. Sucks alone. Rather not drink at all. Feels like a real waste of money to do shooters like this. Constant urination made gameplay annoying. Drunk to 2. Hangover@2.
    Week 2 Results:
    Friday: Successful. Attended gallery opening. No liquor, only wine. Went to liquor store and purchased pint of bourbon ($8). Bought large bottle of water at bodega ($2.50). [note: this is economical, explore]. Did all drinking outside or in bathroom. Water bottle not particularly odd for crowd. Considering starting to smoke. Hard to gauge appropriate shot-to-water ratio. Art was boring, social interaction awkward when not slamming cheap wine like others. Constant deflection of questions about water not wine. Left when drunk to level 5 [note: likely due to heavier-than-allowed drinking more quickly than allowed] Hangover@4.

Week 2 Results:

  • Saturday: Mets game. No booze available. As preliminary measure, drank considerable amount of tequila before leaving, took large bottle of water to round out. Stretched method too far. Drunk quickly to level 7. Finished water quickly. Multiple illegal public urination. Game going well, high level of social interaction. Feels odd to not have beer to sip (guzzle). Constant peer pressure of rounds being bought. As tequila wears off (perhaps to level 5) and only [$4] water available, project fails [note: $4 water vs. $6 beer tough on short budget]. Beer consumption begins. Drunk to 8. Hangover@7. Spent over $40.

Result: FAILURE.


Theoretical Reasons for Result: This reduces drunkenness and hangover levels well though it does same for social interactions. Removes the “social lubricant” element of drinking – both chemically and in actual action (clinking glasses, buying rounds). Straight booze feels a bit nasty on belly. Too much water means considerable time waiting on line for bathroom. Embarassing to keep asking bartender for water (also not allowed to bring water to many bars). Any place/situation that does not have readily available liquor and water must be avoided for this to be successful.


Conclusions: Overall, this is the most successful to date from a chemical perspective, though effects peak early and the wear off nearly completely. Socially, this is a disaster. Feel a bit cheated by money spent. Heavy urination. Irritates bartenders who will not supply large amounts of water, especially if crowded. Strange looks when ordering and when drinking. Look a bit fey drinking all the water. Terrible for public events (ballgames) very difficult to accomplish at home or in small settings.


.

Digg!

185 Comments:

  • Health: Caloric intake. Pure liquor and water has very little caloric value. Beer and wine both quite high; cocktails with soda equally high.

    Hm. I don't think that's true unless you are specifically talking about a strict linear realtionship of volume.

    A jigger (1 1/2 ouces) of tequila has 115 calories. Source here: http://tinyurl.com/y9w93a

    12 oz of beer can have anywhere from around 100 to 200, depending on the beer. More alcohol usually means more calories, of course. :) http://tinyurl.com/3akyx

    Of course, it's hard to compare it on an ounce to ounce basis since liquor is so much higher in alcohol content.

    By Blogger smallerdemon, at 11:28 AM  

  • Keep it up, like the premise. BTW, you've been posted to metafilter

    Cheers, Dr.Incandenza

    By Blogger Dr James Orin Incandenza, at 11:59 AM  

  • One problem with this method, as you've noted, is that you can't nurse a shot. I recommend you do what I do: Start with a martini. This is essentially like having two shots of gin and will give you a nice buzz quickly. When you finish the martini, order a pint of beer and a coke. Nurse the beer for the rest of the evening and alternate with sips of coke. The coke will keep you hydrated, and the sugar will keep your blood sugar up, thus helping to prevent hangover. When you go home, wash down a couple of aspirins and a B vitamin with another coke followed by lots of water.

    By Blogger Glenn & Rina Davis, at 12:13 PM  

  • hey glenn and rina,

    do you always wash down with aspirin after drinking? hello stomach bleeding!

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