How Not To Get Drunk

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

FAQ: Hangover@ -- Anything over 5 and you living foul homey.

1. Better Than Normal: Slept quickly and deeply work up refreshed. Thanks booze!

2. Normal: Just another day.

3. Groggy: shouldn’t have stayed for that last one. Ah well.

4. Water Me: Few pints of water and you’re right as rain, but take it easy next time!

5. Oh No: That was dumb. Now you feel like crap. Need water plus grease and probably Pepto. Functional for below average performance. Will think about sleep all day.

6. Ouch: See 5 above. Water will not do, need sports drinks. Starving constantly. May have slept for proper time, but booze interrupted sleep. Still able to function.

7. Shhh: See 5 & 6 above. Head feels like a sensitive little bean. Everything is annoying. Eyes and ears have betrayed you. Functional if minimum human interrelation.

8. Make It Stop: See 5-7 above. Minimum productivity possible. Can pretend to work. Can eat very small amounts of salty/greasy food. OTC medications useful.

9. Never Again: See 5-8 above. Unlikely to get anything done though possible to move. Maythrow up upon waking. Swearing off drinking forever while thinking about drinking all day common. Prescription drugs for sleep and anxiety will help.

10. Kill Me Now: see 5-9 above. Call in sick to work. Cancel all appointments. No chance of productivity. May pray for death. May stay in bed all day and still feel like shit. Too wasted to drink water. Seek help.



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