How Not To Get Drunk

Thursday, October 12, 2006

The Doctor Slayer:

2 drinks
Every day.


Hypo: Two drinks everyday takes pressure off of prohibited periods (see “The Sober Supporter”)

Reasons: Professional: With the complete failure of cold turkey-style methods (See “The Sober Supporter” above et al) something’s gotta give.
Personal: these binges are killing me

Rules: Two a day maximum. No requirements. No prohibitive periods. No limitations. No weekly total [note: next: The Grand Total trying this method] allowed. 2. A. Day.

Concerns: This may work for weekdays when I don’t usually drink anyhow … but weekends? Parties? What constitutes “a drink?” [note: I have chosen NOT to define this for purposes of experiementation]

Practice: Perhaps the second easiest so far (“Sober Supporter” technically easier since only required nothing) – simply limit to two drinks, but no prohibitive period.

Duration: 3/14 prior to failure.

Week 1 Results:

  • Monday: bought 6-pack on way home. Drank 2 beers after running. Ah! Drunk to 1; Hangover@1 (thanks booze!) Slept great. Woke up with more ease than usual.
  • Tuesday: 0 Consumption.
  • Wednesday: 0 Consumption.
  • Thursday: 2 and out. So far so good. Tough week at work helping.
  • Friday: Um. Two beers goes really, really fast. Drinks after work. Had 2 and made excuse to leave. Did not go back out that night. Luckily had no additional booze in house or likely imbibing. Thanks Sony, for such an excellent product in the PS2 and thanks Cinemax for Skinemax. Oh yes, I went there so I wouldn’t go there.
  • Saturday: FAILURE. Woke up just itching to have a beer but hung on until 9 PM. 1 beer barely made it through pre-game (4 out of 5 guys showed up with at least 6-packs and most with 12 packs they did not even bother to put into the refrigerator – yep, rather just have the box there and drink em fast enough they don’t get cold. It’s like THAT if you are wondering why I need to keep this blog in the first place. And that was an easy night). Held off on second drink until bar. Asked bartender for largest, most alcoholic drink he is allowed to make by law since “drink” was left undefined for this attempt. Wound up with some sort of corrosive chemical reaction in red that was eating through the (24-ounce) pilsner glass. Based on size and price probably had at least 6 shots of various liquors in it. Still in the safe “2 drink zone”? FAILURE? Reasonable minds can differ [note: I say I failed after the first 3 sips – the bartender said: “um, this isn’t just for you right? Because you could die.” Upon hearing this, 3 of the animals I was with then ordered one]. Nursed for over an hour. Del.cic.ous. By this point likely Drunk to 7. Sense (common, of time of any kind) shot. Decide to negate first beer (it was light! 12 oz!) and allow for more mindbeding satanic fluid. FAILURE. DRUNK to 9! Hangover@9! Sex? Impossible. Sunday? Non-existent.

Week 2 Results: n/a because I have absolutely no self control and deserve torture and pain. Drank 2 a day for the rest of this week anyhow. Weekend though … see above.

Result: Failure.

Theoretical reasons for result: The self-control needed to have only 2 drinks when everyone else is drinking indiscriminately is tough, peer pressures build quickly. Beer not a good drink for this as too weak to really have any effect after 2 (legally sober!).

Conclusions: I think 2-weekday 4-weekend could work [note: will try the 2x4x7] but LIMITS need to be put on drinks as to size and power. This is a perfectly responsible and workable strategy for weekdays. 2 a day is good – it is enough that you get a lil buzz (maybe even over 3 if you have strong cocktails). Two beers is a good happy hour amount, good for dinner date to have a glass of wine and a cocktail. Good limit that works socially all around (even at ballgame, with high price making nursing mandatory). Certainly could work for cocktails with normal people or at an event that is not about drinking. But any kind of long-term, late-night, hard-core (anything with a hyphen, whether grammatically correct or not) will not stand up here.



  • hola, have enjoyed this immensely. Maybe it's a little too close to my heart.

    Regardless, have some ideas, and desire pseudo-coherent discussion as I should probably experiment just as you.

    sinepicure at the gmail dot com

    By Anonymous throwawayidentity, at 9:15 PM  

  • It is good to read about people whose serious concerns I share. How easy it is to reach the unfailing "Fuck it, I'm having one."

    By Anonymous williteverend, at 1:01 PM  

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